THE ADIRONDACK TRIATHLON CLUB THE ADIRONDACK TRIATHLON CLUB On a recent group ride, Bob Gover was seen tossing a gel packet on to the road!!!This shocking information demanded a phone call to Gover. After much soul searching, Gover told The Heckling Page he is joing the same group as Mike Sorrentino. It is a weekly meeting for those who are ecologically challenged.
Friends and family always knew that Liz Collins was a little high maintenance. However, just how high maintenance didn’t become apparent until a recent episode during an open water swim at Million Dollar Beach.
First she had difficulty getting her wetsuit on. Next it was too tight. Then the arms didn’t feel right. Then it wouldn’t stay zipped and water was coming in. Finally, after 45 minutes of incessent complaining Liz stormed out of the water, ditched the wetsuit on the beach and hid in sister Carrie Mauro’s car.
When interviewed after the incident, Liz blamed it on her au pair (see what we mean), who apparently had failed to fix Liz her Double Latte w/Whip Cream and Cinnamon before the swim, and as a result she just wasn’t feeling herself.
Rumor has it the au pair is now in the process of being deported.
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A recent study at Duke University revealed pre-race jitters can cause criminal behavior in people. This was proven to be the case at Ironman Louisville. Gatorade sponsors a practice swim at each Ironman event. You sign your gear in, swim, get a water bottle when you sign your gear out. Mike Endieveri didn't see why he needed to swim. He just signed his stuff in only to immediately sign it back out just to get the water bottle. Not once, not twice, but three times. There is a warrant out for his arrest. The charge: First Degree Stuff Grubbing.
Along with Stuff Grubbing, there were plenty of bullies in transition. Paul Fronhofer and Ted Wilson were strong arming people in transition to pump up their tubular tires to 140. They were seen knocking people from their pumps so they could make sure the psi was to their liking. Ted Wilson was unable to be reached for comment. When a reporter at The Heckling Page contacted Paul Fronhofer, he said, "What? Those tires can take 200."
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Several field reporters were out to cover the August club ride rallied by Dave Morrissey and Deana Endieveri. What a spectacle...........
The biggest news of the day is Gen May was not late for this ride. I know this bit of information is as mind boggling as O.J Simpson writing a book titled "If I did it", but it's true. She arrived on time. Steve Monn, however, was late.
Cathy Combs seemed to think people might have cared about her knotted shoulder. She quickly found out this group has no sympathy and gave up on talking to anyone prior to the ride gathering. Frankie Collins showed up despite having 11 stitches in the bottom of his foot from pursuing his new hobby: Walking on Hot Nails.
Deana Endieveri was quite possibly the most pathetic soul who showed up. Always boasting about her bike maintenance skills, Endieveri forgot all of her tools and was no help when a fellow rider flatted. Her attempt to pump up the flat using a hand pump incited a riot among the pack. Endieveri's pumping prowess is quite a sight. Gen May and Beth Carroll caused such a ruckus over it, Endieveri snapped the stem of the tube and Bob May had to step in to take over the entire operation. Bob May will not be getting up this early any more only to be tortured.
Jim Fox was seen drinking coffee on his porch. What is up with that?
Mike Sorrentino was arrested and fined one million dollars for littering. Apparently Sorrentino came out of his cave for this ride and didn't know it was no longer "cool" to litter. He ate a gel and just launched the packet into the woods. Get this guy a TV so he can find out the state of the environment. QUICK!!!
Bob May led the pace line for 30 minutes. Apparently he did not realize there were 16 other riders behind him that were willing to help. The group had to pull out several blow guns and sedate Bob in order to get up front. Fortunately he recovered in time to fix that flat mentioned earlier.
Carrie Mauro rallied her unsuspecting friend to the ride. Despite the slower group averaging 17.1 mph overall at the end of the ride, the 25 mph pace line in the middle threw Mauro's friend for a loop. Mauro has been hanging out with Dave Morrissey too much and is now familiar with meaning of the word: SADISTIC.
Some other noteworthy sightings.........:
*As Mike Francett was taking pictures, Greg Hewlett offered to take the photo and let Francett be on the other side of his camera. Francett's head peeled off to expose a large beast that proceeded to eat Hewlett whole. It was really weird.
*Mike Robinson wore head phones to a group ride. Rumor has it Robinson saw Beth Carroll engaging in the same dangerous behavior an justified it as okay. The club is looking into Robinson and Carroll heading up a safety committee.
*Despite Paul Fronhofer's plea for bike safety at the August club meeting, this group was very depleted in the home strech and things got ugly in the "obeying traffic rules" arena. Oooops.
...........and some comments:
*"Whose idea was it to ride in a paceline?"
*"This ride sucks."
*"I'm turning around."
*"Shut up"
*"Don't get lost in the corn field when you go to pee."
*"Who needs tools when you have a cell phone."
*"It smells here."
*"Who lost their Rosary beeds?"
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Convinced that it was the swimsuit that was making Carrie Mauro so damn fast in the pool, and wanting to improve her own time in the upcoming Fronhofer Tool Triathlon, Heidi Underwood actually stole Carrie’s suit after swim practice at the Tennis & Swim Club last week.
After figuring out that: A.) The suit was about 6 inches too long and would create excess drag in the water and B.) That Carrie was also competing and would recognize the suit, did Heidi realize her error and decide to return it.
Sneaking into the Tennis & Swim club before practice on Monday morning, Heidi was just about to dump it in the lost & found bin when Carrie’s twin sister – Liz Collins – caught her red handed (could this story get any more bizzare?).
Thankfully, Carrie has graciously agreed to drop all charges against Heidi provided that she seek counseling and that Kevin Crossman (as if he doesn’t have enough to do) check Heidi’s swim bag after every practice.
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There are legends. Babe Ruth, Wayne Gretzky, Vince Lombardi, Dave Scott to name a few. And now, to add to the list, our very own Paul Bricoccoli. He is gunned up and ready to rock. He has recently enjoyed world wide acclaim. Don't believe it? Check this out: click here.
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Top 10 things heard on a ride that Dave Morrissey rallies. These are listed in the order they are said as the ride progresses. The bold statements are Dave's reply. Sometimes Dave doesn't have a reply as the comments are made behind his back with an angry tone:
"Dave, where are we going?" SOUTH. IT IS FLAT
"Dave, what is the pace? FAST. MAKE SURE YOU WEAR YOUR BIG GIRL SHORTS
"Dave, I can't keep up." YES YOU CAN. LET'S GO. MOVE IT
"OUCH, my legs burn." OH, STOP......YOU ARE FINE
"Dave, you suck and I wish you would shut up"
"I'm trying my best to make smooth circles Dave!"
"Thank God Kevin Crossman showed up to distract Dave."
"I smell cow poop."
"I'm so sick of this ride I could puke. I need new friends."
And the number one statement heard at a ride Dave Morrissey is in charge of: "When is the next ride Dave?"
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In a terrifying blow to his ego, Mike Endieveri turned 40 two months BEFORE his big day. USAT rules classify racers by the age they are going to be within the current year. Despite this being clear to all participants at the North Country Tri, Endieveri jumped in the wrong swim wave. He still thought he was a young kid in the "39 and younger" group. When he was contacted, all he had to say was, "It was an honest mistake. I defy you to prove otherwise."
Even with a warrant out for his arrest, inside sources say Endieveri is organizing his own race. There will be aid stations every 5 feet, 500 volunteers, no entry fee and the course is flat. The Heckling Page received this course map: click here. As soon as we receive word on the race date, we will post it on the site.
THE HECKLING PAGE
This page is all in good fun. It is meant to get some laughs and not much more. If you get "caught in the web", no worries. It will not last long considering someone else is bound to do something goofy to take your place.